just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
