i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
