The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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