return my video game
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
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I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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