I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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