based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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