At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
That's how pantless uber rides happen
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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