i think i scared a bird with my dick
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
