Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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