i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boobs speak an international language.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Panties = found
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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