the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize