hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
