using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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