This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Randomize
