If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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