dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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