what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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