What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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