god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
