True but thats because hes a fetus.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
