Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have aggressive nipples.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
