the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
