the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
