so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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