do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
