You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
