If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
