perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
