Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
