Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
