Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
