The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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