Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
