you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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