That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
