Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
