my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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