Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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