you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
