She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
