dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
