hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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