I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
