She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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