oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
