3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Panties = found
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
