I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
