That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
