So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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