bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
