Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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