guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
