There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
