genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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