u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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