Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
