I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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