so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
