operation harelip BJ is a go
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
