i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
