I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
