Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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