Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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