dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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