my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize